Putting the F-U In Fun

June 12, 2007

Store: Funcoland
Location: North Haven, CT
Employee Description: A veritable retard rodeo
Submitted By: Chris Kohler

So as bad as EB Games and GameStop employees get, these days, just be glad you never have to go to a Funcoland anymore. Good gravy. That store (now part of the great EBGameFunSoftwareBabbageColandStopGames Etc. monolith) was a hundred times worse, since there didn’t seem to be any oversight at all against rampant employee hoarding and awful customer service.

Employees could and often did take any game that was any good (remember, this was back when the store carried everything all the way back to the NES) and put it in a drawer for themselves until such time as they felt like buying it. Then they’d brag about it; I remember one employee actually showing me a perfect copy of Baku Baku for Saturn, which he was holding on to until the price dropped in the system.

They seemed to hate all customers. Here’s a typical incident, which occurred as I was buying Panzer Dragoon Zwei:

Guy: Hey, would you like to be a Fun Club member? You get a subscription to Game Informer.

Me: I’m not interested.

Guy: (Mock incredulity) You’re not interested in knowing what’s going on in the video game industry?

Guy: Naw, he likes reading all those magazines filled up with ADS.

Remember, this was in 1995, back when Game Informer was one giant ad.

One more before I get back to work: In the summer of 1999, all Funcoland stores got Dreamcast demo units with Sonic Adventure. So I headed in there to see if our branch had one. Nothing. Just as I was about to leave, the employee’s three buddies walk in and I hear him say to them, “Hey guys, wanna play the Dreamcast?” So he goes over, unlocks a display case, and there’s the customer demo unit — kept locked up for the enjoyment of the employee and his pals. Of course, having just given away the secret, he pretty much had to let me play it. But he wasn’t happy.

The store’s still there, except it’s a GameStop now and not nearly as awful a place to be. I’ve never been so happy to see a brand get dismantled.

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Store: Funcoland
Location: Louisville, KY
Employee: P_nis Breath
Submitted By: Justone

So I ask the employee, who had been staring continuously at me since I walked in the store apparently because I was the only one in the store, he had absolutely nothing to do, and/or he thought I was attractive, if he had or could order Maniac Mansion for nes.

(Before I continue with the story, I need to tell you he was the know-it-all video game guy who obviously has never had a girl friend and may or may not play magic the gathering.)

He looked at me liked I was insane and said, “You like that game!?”

I gave him a look of shock, implying that he was retard, and said, “You don’t like that game?”

He then said it was the worst game ever made.

“Ever made?!” I exclaimed thinking that the game maybe outdated but is no where near the worst game ever made.

He explained, “All you do is run around a mansion with a machete and chop monsters. There’s only like three monsters, not including the bosses, so you just fight the same monsters for hours. Then there’s the fact that the main character looks like Jason. A total rip off.”

I then proceeded to explain to him the differences between the game Maniac Mansion and the game Splatterhouse.

Game Boy Saves

June 5, 2007

Store: Funcoland
Location: Deptford, NJ
Employee: Stupid Stuperton
Submitted By: Toad64

“You can’t save in Game Boy games because they don’t have batteries in them.”